The Revd Wyn Beynon


GRUMPY MULE

So Jesus is walking down this street thinking, “I’d love a coffee”. He remembers that there are several faithful Christians in the area so he goes up to one address he remembers (after checking it on his iPad) and knocks.

The man opens the door and is overwhelmed. “My Lord, and my God” he says, even though his name wasn't Thomas, and he invites Jesus in. “My Lord, please, come and sit in here”, he says, showing Jesus into the front room. It’s neat and tidy, and he offers Jesus a comfy seat, carefully, smoothing out the antimacassar as he does so.

This chap is Anglo Catholic, just back from Walsingham, and so, not surprisingly, he has a decent coffee maker and he says to Jesus, “My Lord, please wait a moment and I’ll bring in some refreshments”.

Off he goes to the kitchen and gets the filter machine working, then thinks, “I’ll just whip up some fresh scones, oh and I’ll pop out and get some fresh cream and some jam from the Tesco express in the next street.” "Oh, and perhaps I'll phone round and and ask some of the neighbours to join us."

After 20 minutes Jesus gets bored of waiting, and realises that the chap he came to see isn’t even there. Still longing for a coffee he slips out the front door and goes down the street, having checked the iPad for an address again.

This time he gets a proper welcome. “Oh Jesus, my Lord,” says the woman, “Come in, come in, and have a coffee.” Now, she is an Evangelical, just back from Spring Harvest. So she knows that what Jesus really wants is to sit in the kitchen with everybody else. And Jesus is really pleased to be sitting at a cosy kitchen table ~ especially when he sees the espresso is on. “Please Lord, let me serve you,” says, the woman. “And let me share this wonderful moment with my friends and neighbours.”

Before Jesus can say “Talitha cumi” she is off out the back door, down the side of the house and banging up the neighbours. “Come and see,“ she says, “Come and meet Jesus, he’s in my kitchen”. Soon there’s an excited group of people going up and down the street all thrilled that Jesus is in her kitchen, and getting all the neighbours to come and see.

Meanwhile Jesus, who is nothing if not polite, is waiting for his espresso.

After half an hour he can see that the coffee is stewing in the pot. He slips out the back door and down a side alley in to the next street. His iPad confirms that there is another Christian there, and soon he’s knocking on the door. This guy is just as ecstatic as the previous man and woman. “Hey, Jesus,” he says,”Wow…..come on, you've got to meet some of the folks in the road.”

Now this guy is a theologically astute liberal, into every form of justice movement, inclusion situation and radical cause, and just back from Greenbelt. Soon there are loads of people gathering to meet Jesus and they start discussing the wrongs and woes of society and there are buzz groups forming and petitions being drawn up.

Quietly, without anyone noticing, Jesus, who is, by now, simply gagging for a coffee, slips away down another alley to the next street.

He thinks to himself, “Stuff the address list in the iPad, I’ll just knock on the first door I come to.” He was a member of the BNP, just back from a racist rally. He said *** me, mate, you look *** knackered, wanna a coffee…?”

Wyn Beynon © 2015